


like the edge of a knife

by kilewolf



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Brief mention of the other Guardians, But also not, Gen, Tsuna freaks out, Yamamoto's opinion of Byakuran is very... murdery, because when does he not, smoking mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 01:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5229500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilewolf/pseuds/kilewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamamoto has that look in his eyes again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like the edge of a knife

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own KHR or any of its characters. They belong to Akira Amano.

Yamamoto has that look in his eyes again.

That one. The Guardians all know the one. The one that makes Tsuna’s heart thump fitfully in his chest and his stomach lurch. It doesn’t happen often—but it’s been happening more often. Tsuna doesn’t know how to deal with this, how to fix this—the only solutions he’s learned after all this time are _fight back_ and _become stronger so you can fight back_. Sometimes he is made bitterly aware of how as a group, they’ve learned to fight together but never learned to do other things. Like. Actually talking to each other. About things. So here he is. Yamamoto has that look in his eyes, the one that drives Tsuna into near-panic, and Tsuna doesn’t know what to do about it. He could try breaking with tradition. Take the first step forward. Have a real Talk—a heart-to-heart. Unplug the drain, finally. It would set a good example for the rest. 

Yeah, right.

Tsuna can’t do it. It’s entirely selfish and he would hate himself more at the moment if he could actually stop feeling so _uncomfortable_. But he can’t, really—how could he? _It’s his fault_ —and he can’t rely on anyone else to do the talking for him, either. As much as Tsuna loves and trusts Reborn, he does not want him within thirty feet of Yamamoto at times like this. Chrome would never speak up, of course, whatever she really thinks (Tsuna actually has the feeling she’s the least bothered by this; sharing headspace with Mukuro must have prepared her for all manners of strange moods and occasional bouts of homicide). It’s all Tsuna can do to restrain _Hibari_ , and besides _who would ever ask Hibari to talk about feelings with anyone_. Ryohei, bless his soul, actually tried to get Yamamoto to talk to him last time—needless to say, it had resulted in complete failure, as well as a perplexed and frustrated Sun Guardian. Tsuna has a sneaking suspicion that Sasagawa the elder truly does not realize that yelling at people enthusiastically is not always the best way to get them to open up or listen to you. And Gokudera…

Gokudera never talks to Yamamoto when the latter gets like this. Instead the bomber goes a little pale, bites down hard on a cigarette, grabs some random piles of paper to shuffle, and tries to pretend he’s not stealing nervous glances at the other man every ten seconds. This Yamamoto gives Gokudera the heebie-jeebies. Tsuna can practically see Gokudera’s hackles rising like a hissing cat’s. Tsuna doesn’t blame him. Tsuna himself can feel the hair on his neck rise every time—which when you have hyper intuition is usually a pretty good measure of things—even though Yamamoto would never, ever, no matter what kind of Terminator-like mood he woke up in in the morning, direct any aggression towards Tsuna. Tsuna wonders how Byakuran must feel.

He wonders how much more _extreme_ the Look must be when it is actually directed at the object of its enmity in live time, rather than when Yamamoto is simply thinking about the meeting again, some three days later.

Tsuna feels sick to his stomach. More than anything, this hurts—and he wishes he could help Yamamoto. With… whatever this is. Well, maybe it’s a little obvious what it is. Maybe it’s a little obvious what Yamamoto is feeling when he turns around and Tsuna accidentally meets his eyes and it’s _Shit Fuck Oh my god **Murder**_ and yeah it’s a little intense. That Sky harmony thing is sometimes a bit of a bummer. Tsuna is starting to suspect that it’s really just a metaphor for people with the daft tendency to over-empathize with… _things_ they really shouldn’t empathize with. (Case in point: Mukuro.) Tsuna has to carefully let out his breath. It’s—okay. Or it will be. The mood will pass—it always passes. Yamamoto will become his usual cheery self again, eventually. 

But Tsuna can’t help but feel it gnawing at his insides, and he knows it’s because of guilt. Knows that, if he hadn’t made Yamamoto a target, hadn’t dragged him into this life, hadn’t gotten him stabbed in his _school locker room_ —if he hadn’t asked Byakuran to join his alliance, if he hadn’t asked him for help again with the incident last week—then maybe Yamamoto wouldn’t have to deal with this. It’s irrational, foolish, the kind of thought (conviction) Reborn would give him a hardy kick on the head for—but Tsuna knows it’s true. If it weren’t for him, Yamamoto wouldn’t be in this position ( _neither of them would, but that’s a whole other crateful of worms_ ). Wouldn’t have to live with this—what can Tsuna even call it? _Burning mass of deepest blackest hatred_ inside of him. 

Even that doesn’t seem quite right. Tsuna doesn’t think “hatred” is an adequate word, really. Yamamoto hates Byakuran, sure. But he also doesn’t hate Byakuran, because—Tsuna doesn’t know, Yamamoto’s just weird like that? The guy did save his life—but you’d think (and Tsuna hates himself for thinking it, but it can’t _not_ occur to him at this point, he knows Yamamoto rather better than he consciously admits) that for Yamamoto, his own life ( _this is Yamamoto we’re talking about_ ) wouldn’t really make up for, you know, killing his father and countless innocents (and Tsuna, but that isn’t really—it didn’t really happen, anyway), taking over the world, turning the future into a horrible dystopia, etc. Actually, maybe all that isn’t why Yamamoto hates Byakuran. After all, that had been another Byakuran, and Yamamoto is weirdly meticulous about things like that. Tsuna thinks that maybe, if the Chapter of Byakuran in his life had just ended, if Yamamoto had been able to just shut it closed, then he could have gone on happily, without having to think about the younger Byakuran left in their own timeline.

But then Byakuran had saved his life.

One Byakuran, two Byakurans—Tsuna supposes it must be a little hard to separate the two in your head, even for someone as great at compartmentalizing as Yamamoto, when one of them saves your life and gives you back the use of your legs, using _magic healing knowledge from a parallel world_. Also, Byakuran saved his life. That’s kind of huge. (The only person who could have claimed to have saved his life so thoroughly before was Tsuna—Tsuna doesn’t want to follow this train of thought.) And then putting Byakuran back into his life even after that—Tsuna's kind of a terrible person. Byakuran—this world’s Byakuran—had informed Tsuna one rainy afternoon, when he had been no doubt feeling particularly nostalgic and missing being, you know, a sadistic evil dictator, that he had healed the injuries of his wheelchair-bound Rain Funeral Wreath, allowing her to walk and practice her favorite sport again. Tsuna had nearly thrown a nearby vase in his face; thankfully, the thought that Byakuran was probably expecting him to ( _had probably seen a world where Tsuna had_ ) had been enough to prevent him from doing it (...also said vase's ridiculous price tag). He had then proceeded to be completely mortified at his own behavior, and also sort of horrified at how the universe was utterly, unequivocally—well, horrible. 

He hasn't told Yamamoto. He will _never_ tell Yamamoto. He prays (to whom? The gods?) that Byakuran hasn’t already told him. But he thinks Byakuran probably has a better sense of self-preservation than that.

Because that’s the scary thing. Yamamoto could kill him, and—Tsuna gulps—he would be allowed. No one would say anything. The people—the _Family_ back in Italy would probably just nod and light a cigarette. Revenge killing. Guy screwed you over, you cut him up. Different guy, but the threat still there—kill him anyway, just to make sure. Made sense to them. Some might frown and say that strategically, Byakuran was of more use to them alive—but no one in the Vongola would lose any sleep over it if he was killed. And, and—it’s not something Tsuna likes to think much about, but Yamamoto is technically. _Kind of high up in the Family hierarchy._ He could probably get away with a lot, if he wanted to. It would be expected. It would be normal. Yamamoto would just be _doing what most Mafiosi would do._

The thought terrifies Tsuna. So does the fact that he’s begun to think of this in mafia terms. 

It won’t happen. Tsuna knows it won’t. He thinks sometimes that maybe that’s what terrifies him the most: the fact that Yamamoto clearly wants to kill Byakuran so, so badly, but he’s restraining himself. Tsuna—everyone—can see it in his eyes. He’s holding it back so willfully. The heavy, pungent killing intent isn’t as scary as the fact that it’s choked and stifled under a layer of iron control that’s even colder than itself. Tsuna doesn’t want to think about where Yamamoto learned such discipline. He doesn’t want to think about how _Yamamoto wants to kill someone so bad_ he’s using such discipline. He doesn’t want to think about how, because Yamamoto is using it, focusing so much on that one goal, his body is perfectly still, like the silent edge of a knife, in that unnatural way that’s like the second before the predator pounces, stretched into infinity; how his eyes seem only focused on something distant, but something that sets them alight with the coldest of fires; and how he moves without sound, perfectly poised, with the footsteps and the bearing of a swordsman ( _a hitman_ )—in that way that sets them all off, and has them reaching unconsciously for their weapons (which happen to always be on them _anyway_ now isn’t that funny).

Tsuna had had to physically drag Hibari away. While Yamamoto might still turn down the offer of a fight, even in the state he’s in, Tsuna doesn’t want to see the light in his eyes burn any brighter. Condense a flame. It’s smaller, now, but brighter, and hotter. Purer in essence (whatever that essence is). Tsuna knows from experience.

It’s a kind of a resolve, and a resolve Tsuna never wants to consider.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, random one-shot that just came out of nowhere. I haven't really looked it over or anything, but... I guess my KHR feels demanded an outlet? This is honestly really indulgent and kind of embarrassing. Working title.


End file.
